Not sure where I'd begin telling this tale, other than my "fall back" position that belonging to a group for knit or crochet *should* be enjoyable.
As of late, I've grown weary, been "fried" for a while.
I don't view myself as a saint; in fact, far from it. However, it's getting harder and harder to overlook somethings and remain innovative, cheerful or at the very least, "neutral.":
- Folks who suggest special event, which then is planned, and then are a no-show to those events (this has happened twice, by two different folks);
- Folks who don't contribute all that much to the group dynamic, either in the online forum and a no-show at the meetings--yet decide to create their own group;
- Folks who complain or exhibit "snark" about other members, when said folks don't come to meetings regularly to get-to-know who they are snarking about;
- Folks who have a copious amount of complaints, justifying their non-attendance/non-connection with the group on a regular basis, who then create their own group, advertise it on my group's message board, without so much as a thank you;
- Folks who solicit me to assist in the formulation of their "new" group, of which I oblige to a degree, only for me to be the recipient of rudeness and spam.
At the moment I'm battling with my ego about this. For the most part, the bulleted list involves pretty much one person; only one item involves two. I've weighed out whether I'm jealous or threatened by this folk's group's existence--I'm more hurt and bothered by it, as I kept this person on the membership list as a courtesy. I'm also seeing her as a manipulator deluxe. I suppose that works for her. So threat and jealousy aside what's bothering me? I suppose two-facedness, phoneyness, and hypocrisy. If I were to indulge in snark on this blog, I could go right in for the juggular, the obvious... that if this person didn't have the time or gumption to stick with our group--who is to say she's in it for the long haul with her own group.
But I know, this is none of my concern.
Ultimately what really bothers me is this person misrepresenting themselves as a friend... when really they were nothing more than an "occasionally friendly acquaintance." These types of realizations always hurts me, yet it is a part of life.
The one thing I took great pride and enjoyment in was my ability to network and connect folks together, as well as being innovative and a good manager of a group of rougly 40 like-minded folks.
I think I'll miss this week's meeting, and perhaps next, and clear my head.
I'm fried and don't feel like taking it out on anyone.
7 comments:
I don't belong to any local groups, but online ones and there's always someone who seems to taint things. I was burned a few years ago and stay away from large online groups now. I participate in smaller forums (I do go to Ravelry, but don't visit my forums much) and get kinda overwhelmed.
Hugs
Thanks for your support:)
I went to the meeting tonight. It was just three of us. I groused. They agreed. I felt a bit better, but I think I'll opt out of next week's meeting all the same.
i use to bwelong to a quilt group, and a tatting group, and a bobin lace group, all of which I don't go to anymore. i decided I couldn't deal with all the whinning of grown women and was better off doing my own thing with my kids at home. They don't complain when I go off on a new tangent for a few weeks and start a new project that isn't related to some group theme that I didn't like. ( sorry not into cut e bunny blankets in crochet or quilting). I have been a much happier person. This was what actually started my blog. I wanted a place to remember what and when I was doing things and a record so my kids knew what I was doing and when things got made when they grew up. The second thing was it helped me work through I want social interaction with adults who are like minded (not just me teaching the kids new things). Usually if someone comments they are interested in what you are currently doing. I have only had three people just speak because they wanted to hear them self talk and rank about something unrelated. I like being on my own sort of. If I am interested in something I usually pose a question on my blog and people respond I like that instant feedback and useful help from people I become friends with on the internet usually I get to help them and they help me. Sorry I am ranking but this is a subject that gets on my nerves. In my local face to face groups it was always one way people always wanting me to teach and me never getting taught much didn't like that caused burn out several times. I hope you are well
take care sunshine
P.S. I don't leave for another week just so you know I am thinking about the scrumble thing I have never done that type of crochet before. Not sure I would do well.
Sunshine, you're so thoughtful--thanks for the well thought out comment! And much like you being the teacher, I'm the one who plans things for everyone and then it's met with no-shows or complainers, which then, and I hate to say it, diminishes my joy and drive to want to continue not just organizing the group, but also whether I want to REMAIN a member.
Sorry at 5 am I should have checked for spelling errors yikes.
hope all goes well
sunshine
As fate and the Blogging Gods would have it, someone referred my blog to the person in question. She has since removed herself from the group.
Hard feelings are a fact of life. At this juncture, I cannot tell if I am on the giving or receiving end of it, as now my thoughts have now hurt someone else, which wasn't my intent. My intent was to vent a bit on my blog, and not cause someone pain or embarrassment. So much for feeling "anonymous" online.
Perhaps I should have said something sooner rather than just put on a smile and attempt to be nice all in some attempt for harmony.
I do wish that person well with her group, and hope she finds some place where she's truly comfortable.
Wow. I missed quite a bit of drama, huh? Sorry about all this.
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